Time for a Change

For the last few weeks... well, really months, maybe longer, I have been having a difficult time being happy.

Like truly happy.

I am stating this for sympathy.  Please don't fear for my life.  For many reasons, joy is simply getting more difficult to reach my eyes and mouth.

My mind tells me that happiness is a state of itself.  That I should just watch Battle, our new puppy, and Quest, the new kitten, playing together and smile with enjoyment.  As entertaining as they are, as much as they make me laugh, that feeling instantly disappears when I look away.

Life has been so emotional for me these last 16 months.  To the point where I don't feel emotion anymore.

The first step of solving a problem is defining it.

I am depressed.

As good as medication is, it can't help me right now unless I do something to help me as well.

Before writing this, I unfollowed everyone on facebook.  Kept the group stuff for the kids and hubby and everyone else I clicked "unfollow" for. 

I need a break from watching other people be happy.  Yes, I know there are struggles in there as well.  Yest, I know I should be happy for other people's achievements. 

But right now, I can't.

Right now I have to focus on my family.
Right now I have to focus on finding me again.

I think I am something worth fighting for, so now, I am gonna do something about it.

It is my goal to blog everyday.  Even if I don't feel like it, I want to share with whoever may be reading that it is okay to feel how you feel.  What is not okay is allowing it to ruin your entire life.

So if you are on the struggle bus like I am, just getting off if, or have been here before, I'd love for you to pray for me, as I will be praying for you.