Panic to Rest

 Time for some honesty...

A week ago, I may have had a panic attack and got really angry.

I find myself getting more and more irritated lately. Which I know is normal and probably expected.

And NOT liked at all.  In fact, it is one of the things I dislike the most about the way my chemical make up was designed. That story is for another time...

This story is about the ugly crying I did because I was so frustrated.

So many people have been telling us, "if you need anything, let us know".  

I did need something... help staining the stinking wood for the fence.  Exhaustion struck me hard and fast.

Working all day, taking care of Ted, taking care of the dogs, taking care of the house work and all of the yard work and attempting to take care of myself while staining as much as I could before the fence went up was just too much.

I lost it.

Tears fell to the floor.

My shirt became a snot rag.

Puffy eyes were my companion.

All I wanted was help.

Then I pulled up my panties, determined to do more, and stained the night away without music, just my thoughts in quiet time with God. 

That is when I realized that I cope with stress by adding more stress.  

Sounds crazy, right?  

When I am in a project, I lose myself in it.  In this case, for those hours of doing something I can control in staining wood, my husband was not dying of cancer which is something I cannot control.

God was teaching me during those moments that I, Mary, can only do so much.  I knew everything wouldn't be done in time and that it would be exactly as it was meant to me.

Psalm 34: 4, "I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears."

Friday evening arrived.

And God showed up in big, HUGE, ways.

I was able to see a friend I have not seen since March and her wonderful husband who used the tools they had to bless us with holes for the fence posts.

For anyone who has ever done any kind of fencing, the holes alone can take half the day or more if done manually.  This was now something we did not need to spend time on.

Then it was Saturday morning.

Friends from Arkansas and Colorado were here with their family. Friends from our area showed up.  Family brought food, so much food.

Work was done.

A fence was raised.

Gates were built.

People were fed.

God showed up.

Guys, I was truly planning out ways on how I could put this fence up myself.

God said, no, Mary.  He said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdended, and I will give you rest."  Matthew 11:28.

Rest.  What?!

What is this rest?  

Let me tell you what it looks like.

Sunday morning, I was able to open the back door and let my dogs out in the morning and make myself a cup of coffee while they ran around and did their morning release.

Knowing that I didn't have to worry about them running into the road or to the neighbor's house who have threatened to call the police on us if we get our dogs from their yard, was HUGE!

Being able to be outside and enjoy the weather with them is HUGE!  

And guys, that is not all.

Because God tends to give us more than what we need, he also enjoys giving us what we want.

Flowers and plants were moved from places the dogs were destroying to our drainage ditch.  This is something I have been wanting to do for months but have not had the energy or time to do it.  

Weeds were pulled in our front landscaping and trees were trimmed.

And finally, our chickens got a bigger, better home! 

I may have been dancing when they were able to get out and explore and dig in the dirt and eat bugs and be a chicken.  What is even better, is that I can open up a gate and let them roam around our entire back yard now and not worry about animal control coming again for them!  

To me, allowing our animals to be who they were created to be is a wonderful thing.

God showed up this weekend.

He gave me rest.

He gave me peace.

He showered us with love through so many people.

I pray that next time, I am able to trust God a bit more through my fears because, truly, he has it all figured out already and all I need to do is go along with the flow.