Fences go up, walls come down

 Ever wake up and know that God is talking directly to you?

Like completly in your face pay attention type of talking?

For the last two weeks, I have been busting my butt trying to stain as much wood for a fence as possible for today... fence raising day.  I have allowed myself to get worked up, exhausted, arthritis is flaired, anxiety through the roof to the point where I just am done and don't want to do anything.

Yet I keep going because it is a task.

Something to focus on that is not my husband's impending death.

That is how I have protected myself my entire life... distraction via tasks.

Today is the day the fence goes up.  Not everything is ready, and I have told myself that that is okay.

But honestly, inside, I feel like a failure because I couldn't do it all myself.

Dumb, I know, but that is how my heart and mind roll.

Then God makes me get up and read my Bible.  

This is what he tells me:

"And the peace of God, which transcends ass understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phillipians 4:7

"Since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ." Romans 5:1

And then there was the story from Luke 8:41-42 where a synagogue leader named Jairus fell at Jesus' feet and begged for him to go immediatly to his dying daughter.  Jesus did not go straight there, he went through crowds that made it difficult for him to move. Then he stopped to heal a woman who dared to reach out and touch his cloak.  Finally, Jesus made it to the 12 year girl who had passed away and did what only Jesus can do and raised her from the dead.

This miracle would not have happened if the road was paved clear for him.  Jesus' story was made richer in the journey to the girl.

My story, your story, is made richer in the journey as well.  

In my anxiety, in my rush of staining wood, I missed out on time with my hubby, time with the dogs.  Would I change it now if I could, no... because I can't. 

But I will take this lesson with me for later today and into tomorrow as more tasks come my way as a possible distraction to our current reality.