Day 20: A Perfect Plan

"and I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He Who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ, developing and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you." Philippians 1:6

"For we are God's handiwork, recreated in Christ Jesus, that we may do those good works which God predestined for us, that we should walk in them." Ephesians 2:10

"God holds out directions for a full, satisfying life. Our role is to align ourselves with that plan. WE ARE TO KEEP OUR EYES ON JESUS AND HIS ABILITY, NOT ON OURSELVES AND OUR DISABILITIES." (Meyers, pg. 68).

That is a scary thing for me... I'll tell you more below...

Prayer:
"Perfect God, help me in this battle for my mind. Satan constantly reminds me of my imperfections and my weaknesses, but I ask You to remind me of Your perfection, Your love, and Your closeness so that I can always walk in victory. I ask these things through Jesus Christ. Amen." (pg. 68).

********** My Thoughts **********

Late summer or early fall in 2007, I attended a church gathering for something, I really don't remember what it was.  But I do remember the window I stood by, the song the band was playing, "I am Free" (yup, that song means a lot to me), and exactly what God told me to do.

"Trust me and get out of the Army when you get home."

For some time, I had been struggling with staying in or getting out.  If I got out, then I would have just under a year left of active duty after returning from Kuwait, no steady income from myself, our health insurance would be gone, my Federal Tuition Assistance would be gone so I would have to pay for college, but... I'd be home for my kids, I'd be able to help out more at church, and I'd be able to pursue the passion God gave me so long ago.

If I stayed in, I would be sure to deploy again (as if twice wasn't enough for a mom), I would have to work at least one weekend a month, go to schools for a month or more at a time, provide a solid and reliable income to my family, health insurance that we don't pay for, be able to stay in college, and be a part of something that was bigger than myself.

But God told me to get out, and that was my plan, up until the day I called home and found out that my dear husband had been laid off of work because he earned more then the other people.  This was literally a week before I left Kuwait and would be on my way home with only a year left to do on my contract.

Fear, anxiety, the nice tax free $15,000 bonus, worry, distrust, so many things were playing on my mind and I didn't have time to truly think and make a decision because I couldn't come home knowing that we could both be out of work in less than a year and in Michigan's very poor employment rates.  My family deserved for me to provide for them, at least that is what I told myself when I signed the reenlistment papers adding 6 more years to my contract.

I allowed fear to lead me to not trusting God and HIS perfect plan for me.

At times, I think God is punishing me through crappy bosses and an angry child.  But I think He is blessing me through our dream house and not having to live pay check to pay check any more.

I'm not sure what it is.

What I am sure of, is that when I hit 20 years of active duty, I am out.