The Beginning is NOT the End

Crazy situations call for another blog post.  Perhaps for me, I will keep this going a bit more frequently as I am able to share my thoughts better and if nothing else have a release of them.

For a few moments, I thought about changing the name of my blog to something like "Ted's Terrific Trek" or "Ted's Tumor Terror" but then I could't be the author of it as his story is going to be completely different than mine.

Let me go back about 8 weeks for those of you who don't know what is going on...

Now, this is a story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down.
I'd like to take a minute if your not scare and tell you how I became the ....

I'm stuck... 😆

Truly, about eight weeks ago, Ted had some serious rib pain and he was pretty sure he broke them.  He is slightly on the stubborn side, and didn't go to the doctor until the pain was getting out of hand.  After two or three trips back to the doctor, x-rays were finally taken of his ribs and they showed one broken and one fractured rib.  It was surmised that he broke them while pushing on heavy equipment at work.

A couple weeks later and things are just not healing and he is in a lot of pain asking for refills on his medication.

During this time, I am not thrilled at all with his complaining.  Truly, I was getting so frustrated as I was healing myself from an awful ankle sprain in February and possible meniscus or ITB problems in my knee.  I remember thinking that he just needs to suck it up buttercup.  To say I feel guilty about those feelings now is a huge understatement.

Moving on... Ted goes back to the doctor and has more x rays... about 8 of them of his back/ spine.  This was on a Friday.  From what the primary care doctor could tell, it appeared he had an old injury in the neck where his vertebrae didn't heal, instead they disappeared. Strange that this wasn't seen a few years ago when he was having his lower spine fused together.

Monday or Tuesday of last week, Ted received a call that he needed full blood work done and a CT scan that got changed to a MRI. Blood work came back normal, MRI did not.

Thursday afternoon, I am at work and Ted calls me.

All I could understand was "doctor called", "tumor" he couldn't talk.

I went to him as fast as I could go not at all legally.

When I get to his work, I hug him and ask what they found.  He still can't tell me.  I tell Rich, his boss what I know, and we go home.

Through tears, he tells me that there is tumor on his spine at C6 that pushing against his spinal cord and appears to have engulfed an artery.  He says that they think it is a metastasized tumor from another location.  More scans are needed to find the source.

We hug each other.  It's okay.  Cancer hasn't been said.  Biopsies will need to be done to verify what this is.  Medicine has come a long way.  At least we have answers to why you have been feeling this way. We need to tell the kids.

Ted says he can't.   I do.

I tell them everything I know.  We have always been very open and honest with them.  They are teenagers.  They will be mad if I don't let them know.

Christian is quiet.  His cheeks turn more red.
Alyssa is tearing up.
They are both calm.

I have to be strong for them.   I have to be strong for Ted.

Christian goes up to his bedroom.   Alyssa heads out to the horses.  I settle Ted in his recliner so he can take his medication and a nap.  He is exhausted and in pain.

Would you like me to call your family?  How about your dad?  Okay, I will give them a call and let them know what is going on. It's okay.  You rest.  I know you can't talk about it right now.

I'm still in shock.

I go outside to get some fresh air and call his mom, his dad, his niece, his sister, my uncle (our pastor for a long time).

Then I make dinner.  Hamburgers on the George Foreman and tater tots.  No brain power required for either.

I bring Ted a plate of food.  He asks for more ketchup... which reminds me, I need to buy more.  He really likes ketchup.  We eat dinner like your typical American family in-front of the television attempting to forget all that is reality.  It doesn't work.

Kids go to bed.

Ted apologizes.  Over and over again.  Tears running down his cheeks.

Baby, it's not your fault.  You didn't wake up one morning and put a tumor in your neck.  I don't understand it, either.  You didn't do anything wrong to deserve this.  You are an amazing man and we ARE going to fight this because I will grow old with you and we will sit in our rocking chairs sipping coffee with heads of gray hair.

He looks at the chairs we are sitting in... both rocking recliners.

Nope, we are not old yet.  We are young.  We have a lot of years left.  Stop apologizing.  In sickness and in health.  I promised you that.  We will get through this together.  God knows what is going on.  He knew before the doctors did.  Keep your heart and your mind on Him.  You can't control what goes on in your body but you can control how you react to it.  We have to stay positive.  We have to fight this and we will.  You will survive.

I go to sleep up in our bed.  He sleeps on the recliner.  Friday continues on as normal as it can.  Must stay busy. Must keep mind off of things.

Off and on all day I cry.  My mind is my enemy right now.  It needs to turn off so I can live in today and not in a tomorrow I know nothing about.

We both call central scheduling at the same time for his CT scan.  He schedules it for Tuesday, I change it to Sunday.  Answers are needed yesterday.

Today, plans are made.  Family pictures will be taken.  Brakes on the car replaced.  Horse trailer caulked, cleaned out and measured.

The world around us will not stop.  We can't stop.  I won't stop: Fighting, pushing, living, and believing that this new beginning is the end.  It is just a chapter in our lives we never wanted to read.