Let me explain.
The year 2007 involved getting ready for deployment to Kuwait. My separation date from the Army was in 2009, and I had really been on the fence as to stay in and keep the income and health insurance or get out and see what else was out there for me. In the fall of 2007, there was a day long retreat at a church in the Cascade area. I can't tell you much about it other than the window where the light shined in on my when I heard God speak.
Loudly, audibly, clearly.
Get Out. Trust Me.
I literally looked around to see who was talking to me, the voice was that clear. No one there in bodily form knew what my battle was as so many loud voices could cloud what I needed to hear: God.
From that moment on, I was going to deploy, come home, and get out of the Army.
Until....
A week before we were leaving Kuwait and Ted told me he was laid off because his employer, Duthler, was going to be selling soon and they wanted the good mechanics to have a better opportunity to get a job first. I freaked out and allowed the fear of no money to prevail and re-enlisted for a tax free $15,000 bonus for six more years of service.
Satan won.
From that point on, I had a very difficult time in my job. My supervisors were fickle in their treatment toward me. The kids were not doing well in school nor at home. Sure, we had money and were secure that way, but I was only happy at home no matter how hard I worked to be otherwise while on the job.
When the opportunity for promotion came about, I thought, "This is it! This is my chance to make things better!"
I was wrong.
The kids got worse.
My hours got longer.
No matter how hard I tried at work it was never enough.
No matter how hard I tried at home it was never enough.
College was put on hold for the job.
My kids were put on hold.
Our animals.
Our house.
Our family.
No matter what I did, I was not able to do anything to the fullest that it needed to be done and just did enough to get by. Doing things that way made me feel like a failure in everything.
Then one day, the bottom and I ran smack dab into each other.
I was given an evaluation from work that said that I was not an asset to the Army. That I have not shown any effort in my job and that I am not competent, responsible or a leader.
I cried.
A lot.
There was no indication that this was coming my way. None.
That was given to me on a Thursday.
Saturday morning, my first free time available, I prayed.
I prayed for direction. For God's will to become my will. For peace in the decision. For support from my Godly friends and family.
Again, God was telling me
Get out. Trust me.
Over and over again He whispered it to my heart.
But Lord, what we will do for money.
Trust ME!
What about....
trust me
Every doubt, every fear I place before Him I was given the same answer,
Get out. Trust me.
So, I told my supervisors this at work. Obviously, I was not going to be able to continue teaching something I was not an expert at no matter how awesome of a teacher that I am.
When I told them, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.
HUGE!
They were a lot more supportive of my decision than I thought they would have been. My commander was not at all. Others that I love dearly were not supportive either.
But the majority of people I have shared this information with have been overwhelmingly supportive.
My dear sweet husband wants me to be happy. He and I are both worried about the money, but we know and trust that God will take care of us.
Christian and Alyssa a very excited about this. I will be able to spend more time with them when I am fully here, not just physically, but mentally as well.
Dear sweet friends and family have been supportive and are excited for this new adventure in our lives.
It won't be easy. God never told us things would ever be easy. But it will be worth it. I know it in my heart. There is a peace in my soul that I have not felt for a very long time there now.
On my Facebook page, I have been sharing some of Joyce Meyers' words of encouragement that have spoken greatly to me:
"Change your life. Make a decision today to promptly and totally obey God."
"If you want peace then you need to be willing to make the changes required to obtain it."
I'm making a choice each and everyday to totally obey God and am finally able to feel His peace because of the changes.
Tomorrow is a big day as I will officially submit my letter of recognition from the Active Guard Reserve program of the Michigan Army National Guard. I was told that it will take just 72 hours for this to process and for me to done with the full time side of things. I will still stay in the Guard as a weekend Soldier so I can keep my years and use the Tricare Standard insurance for our family. But I will be home more for my kids.
I already know that this is the right decision as the last two weeks that I have been home more, the kids have seemed happier. Alyssa's behavior issues have lessened, Christian is getting his homework in, the house is kept up nicer, and I am at peace with life.
I don't know where the next few days will take me, but I know that I am finally listening and obeying God and that He will take care of those "what-if" details that I have been so worried about.
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