New Year New Hope

 Why does the first of the year help me to focus more on my mental health than any other time of the year?

Perhaps it's because it's so new?

Maybe because everyone else is doing it, so we're all in it together?

Or it's when books, fitness items, and other mental health boosters go on sale make it more affordable for us frugal folk. 

What ever is the reason, I'm glad that I have been able to take a long pause from all the distractions that tend to mask my depression and simply be.

Be in the moment.

Be in tomorrow.

Be in God's presence. 

Be now.

That last one is the most difficult for this overtly stubborn woman.  My mind often floats back toward the past, of a life that could have been. Should have been.  But is not.

It's dangerous to dwell there. 

Before I know it, I get stuck, unable to crawl out of the deep hole of the past.  It's like unwanted weight.  The more I fester and fret, the more I eat. Then before I know it, I have five, ten, fifteen added pounds on me that I just can't seem to shake.

Depression takes all of the bad for me thoughts and feelings and throws them on my midline, where I struggle so greatly.  

The new year is an opening to leave all of that in the past so I am not weighed down.

I am free to stop.

To enjoy moments of dog snuggling in the morning.

And filly snuggling in the afternoon.

It's a time for me to be able to breathe in deeply all the possibilities that hope brings with her and let out all the fear and sorrow of yesterday.

Without hope, I wouldn't have had moments like today.  The first day in years that the sun has shown. (Okay, maybe not years, but it sure feels like that, doesn't it?).

After working over by 45 minutes today, a day where I wanted to badly to go work with the horses, and enjoy all of the vitamin D that God was blessing us with, I could have been upset for working longer than I wanted to.

I could have said, screw it, and stay inside to pout.

Instead, I peaked out the window and noticed that Indy was laying down.  I snuck out the door and twisted my body through the electric tape so not to jingle the gate and wake her up. Independence sat up, allowed me to sit down by her head, then she promptly laid her sweet little head in my lap.  

Together, we sat, with Zoey nosing in on us, for only about 10 minutes. Ten wonderful, glorious minutes of being in the moment.  Enjoying every second of such a sweet, sweet blessing to me.  One that I honestly could have never imagined having.

But God did.

He knew that I needed that moment at that very second in my life. I am so thankful for new beginnings.  New years.  New months.  New weeks.  New days. New moments.

I'm not sure what you are holding onto that is weighing you down.

God does. 

He knows.

My prayer is that you are able to give it to him.  All the pain.  All the sorrow.  All the regrets.  All the fear.

His arms are so much bigger than we could ever fathom.  He is waiting to not only catch the crap that is weighing you down but to embrace you in hugs larger than you ever thought possible.

Give him that opportunity and then wait. It may feel like a lifetime now, but I promise, when you are truly ready, God will start lifting away all of the unwantedness in your life that separates you from him.

And then you will be free.

Free to walk.  To run. To fly.

Into the life God wants you to be in.