Parenting to raise responsible, respectful, and won't live with you forever kids is down right the most challenging thing anyone can do, especially with my kids. (I'm hoping that all parents are thinking "if you only had my kids, you'd think differently" Please tell me you are thinking that.)
Last night, I was shopping for things for a baby that may potentially become my nephew. I say potentially because my sister and her husband are working on adopting this baby and until it is in their arms and the baby is 5 days old, the birth mom could change her mind and choose to raise the baby on her own. My youngest turns 13 in 6 days, and baby things have changed so much since then. Sure, my sister did register, but I wasn't near one of those stores, so I improvised. All this baby shopping made me think of my babies and how much they have changed over the years.
From running around naked chasing each other after bath time to running around yelling at each other after school (OK, maybe things haven't changed THAT much) they have one thing in common if nothing else- each other (and red hair).
They also bring forth new adventures for me. (They have to be adventures, otherwise they turn into problems, and my kids are never problems even though it would be so easy to categorize some of things they do as such.)
A couple of weeks ago, Christian had a mandatory first aid training up in Camp Gerber to prepare him better for the summer of volunteering on the Cub Scout side for (gulp) 8 weeks. After checking the website and times twice, we left the house at 0630 so we would have time to stop for Biggby on the way up.
When we get there we find out that the training has been cancelled.
Sigh.
An email was sent out about a week before hand stating this. Christian never got the email. I checked the website, twice, no changes there- training should have been on.
Double sigh.
But... this was a very good teachable moment for us both. I could have gotten angry about it. After all, this was my day off from work where I could have slept in. It's also 3 hours of wasted time in driving. Or was it?
Instead of going home, I found some trails through the Manistee National Forest so Christian and I went hiking.
This was so much better than me waiting around for the training to get done for 8 hours by myself. We were able to talk and laugh and tell each other things that should only be shared between a mom and her son. I was in Heaven.
Then there is my mini me, Alyssa who hasn't learned yet that the words may not be bad, but the way you say them is.
I, like other parents, am living vicariously through my daughter in one thing, horses. God has blessed me with a hubby that supports my passion for horses and I get to share this blessing with my kids. Even though Christian can ride well, Alyssa really loves to ride.
Her confidence in riding has grown so much over this last year and it has leaked into other areas of her life, which I love.
Last weekend, the Wayland Junior Equestrian team had their one and only show. Working up to last weekend, there were a couple of fuzzy horse shows that we used as practice for both the horse and rider where the rider was a little less than grateful for.
OK, a LOT less than grateful for.
FINE, she was a pain in the butt and treated me like the dirt below the horse manure.
We actually left the horse shows early because of this. I would not allow her to treat me like that and get what she wanted at the same time. It was "so sad" for all my love and logic friends out there.
The day of the E-Teams show started out much the same as the practice ones. After talking with one of the coaches, she suggested I step back and allow the other older kids to take care of it.
I did just that.
BEST ADVICE EVER!
The attitude toward me stopped because, well, I wasn't there to receive it. I was able to enjoy watching her ride, and place in 2 out of 3 events she was in. I was allowed to cheer her on without that anger within me. It was freeing in so many ways.
Excitement and pride replaced the hurt and for me, that was huge.
This past week has been slightly challenging with the kids.
For some reason, they think that the school is almost over and that it's OK to not do home work or their assigned chores.
As soon as I get home from work and notice that chores are not done, I get mad and frustrated and start "yelling" at them (I don't usually "yell", it's more of a stern talking to).
Then I get the missing assignment notifications on my phone and get more upset.
My kids are smart, why in the world can they not turn in their assignments?
So they get "yelled" at some more.
At this point, I put myself in time out by going outside to play with the horses or garden or go for a bike ride or a walk...anything to get away from that very helpless feeling.
I can't make them do things they don't want to do.
I can encourage them, I can take things away that they want, and I can yell. Sometimes, but not often, these tactics work.
What I have found that works is prayer.
I was listening to a pastor talk yesterday about the story of Jesus turning water into wine for a wedding. I had heard and read about this story a hundred times and yet I missed one huge aspect about it.
The person who noticed the wine was out did not ask God for more wine.
He didn't ask God for the people to go home before they realized the wine was gone.
He didn't ask God for anything.
All he did was simply say "the wine is gone".
Jesus took care of the rest in a way no one had thought about praying for because it was a true miracle that went beyond our simple minded comprehension.
Jesus did what was beyond our understanding of the world simply because a man brought a problem to him and allowed Jesus to figure it out.
Huh. Crazy simple. Crazy magnificent.
My challenge to myself now is to pray simple without giving God the answers to the problems.
God, my kids are missing assignments.
God, my kids are not doing their chores.
God, my kids are lying.
God, my kids are stealing.
God, my kids are being disrespectful.
God, my heart is getting weak.
God, I'm growing weary.
God, I don't know what to do.
God, the house is a mess.
And before I knew what the question really was that I had, God answered me in the form of a coffee cup.
God does talk to us and does answer our heart's desires if we only allow Him to.
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