Breaking Doors

This morning as Ted was waking up the kiddos for the second time, he noticed our front door was a bit on the open side.

In January.

I didn't believe him when he told me. I mean really, we live in the middle of nowhere, who would break into our house? Naive, I know, but the way Ted was behaving I really thought he was messing around with me.

Until I saw the door and frame.

Someone tried to kick in our front door. And one more kick and they would have succeeded.

As Ted and I were talking about who was going to stay home so we could file a police report, I asked Alyssa if she may now what happened.

Sure enough, she wanted in the house. Through that door only. Thought her brother was being mean by not letting her in and . . .
Bam!

She kicked not once but twice- maybe more as there are feet prints on the door.

For all those concerned- we did fix it enough so know one can break in.

For those who are excited to break in- see above comment and our 3 sets of dog's teeth and the end of a shot gun.

Back to the story...

Now what do we do?

What would you do faced with the knowledge that your sweet 10 year old daughter who just the night before made a pillow for her friend who is moving to Cali kicked in your front door and didn't even tell you about it?

Beat her?

Thought crossed our minds but really, spanking her has NEVER worked with her.

Ground her from all of her "toys", TV and video games?

Maybe, but will she really learn that there is a consequence to her actions by doing that? (By the way, those items are very controlled in our home and she has to do her Brain Balance exercises to earn their use).

Our solution- have the police talk to her AND make her pay for the repairs.

Now before I go further- I thought I would throw out the disclaimer- I thought the police were here to serve and protect. I carry my own protection in various forms because a police officer is too heavy to carry and would not fit in my purse, so I thought maybe they could be another authority presence for her to be held accountable to.

I thought wrong.

All day at work I struggled with calling the cops on my daughter. What kind of a mom does that? Plus, I would be admitting to a public authority that I am not able to control my own child.

Around 2:45, I was told I could go home from work at 3. That would give an officer time to show up before we had to leave for our session. But I still was not sure I should call, so I prayed a lot.

On my way home, I saw 3 county police cars. As I passed each one, I found myself wishing they would follow me home. To me, that was a sign I should call dispatch, so I did.

After talking with the dispatcher and explaining how I would like an officer to come out and speak with my daughter on how her actions have serious consequences, they took my info and said someone would be out in a while.

That didn't happen.

What did happen was an officer called me and wanted to know what was going on. I told him the story and explained how I would like him to talk with her about respecting others property.

He informed me that kicking in my front door was not a criminal activity. That there was nothing he could do because she is only 10 and that we need to be parents to her.

Thank you Mr. police officer, I am trying to be her parent and get her help. That is why she has seen a psychologist every week for a year. That is why she has been admitted to a mental hospital for five days and we placed her on a plethora of anti depressive mood changing anti anger meds.

None of it worked.

That is why we are paying thousands of dollars for her to go to Brain Balance to help her brain hemispheres talk with each other.

AND THAT IS WHY I AM CALLING YOU!!!!

I won't try to pretend to know why all of these kids out there are shooting up their friends in schools and I won't blame one group or another. What I do know is that we, as a nation, need to stand up and do what is right by our kids who have mental/ behavioral issues when it is first noticed.

If that means at age 3 when a temper tantrum is way more- that doctors take it seriously rather than tell the parents it is just a phase.

It may mean that the insurance companies realize that behavioral, social, and learning disorders actually do affect a persons physical health and should be covered so parents don't have to pay thousand of dollars to get their child help as many people cannot do just that.

It, without a shadow of a doubt, means that we parents and adults need to support each other and NOT judge a situation we have no clue about. I am guilty of it myself- seeing a kid act out in a store and thinking "man, that kid needs a good spanking and some constant discipline." Instead, we should smile at the parent and tell them they are doing a good job. Can you imagine how good it would feel to hear that in a middle of a tantrum or argument with your kid?

It means that the police department makes house calls when asked to simply talk with a child- not arrest them or start a paper trail on them- but to let them know that families have rules and our state has laws that must be followed and that those laws say you cannot attack your brother or mom when you are angry as that is physical abuse and you cannot destroy other people's personal property because that is vandalism. My husband and me teach these things to our kids- one understands and accepts it, the other cannot because of her disconnected brain. But perhaps she may remember it better the next time she gets angry and wants to kick in a door if a police officer came to her house and explained it to her now BEFORE she does it somewhere else.

So, thank you police officer who could only call me to tell me you won't help. You gave me a good rant to write about on my blog.

As for my daughter whom I love beyond words and who is truly a beautiful child with a great heart that simply has a confused brain: she will be paying for the door frame to be fixed. Love and logic tells us to use logical consequences for our actions and that is what we will be doing.

If you know anyone who would like to buy some DS games, let me know- Alyssa said she would like to sell hers to start paying for the repairs.